Letters from Readers (continued)
Hello Eve,
I "talked "to you on the Seattle chat, probably Chastenwood but maybe The Palms. I am in my 70s and I said at that time that it was hard to find a 70 plus spanko. You said that your sister did and she was 70. Anyway moving right along. I live on Vancouver Island and I am married to a Gal I met on the chat site.
I was born educated and caned (Many times) in England, then came to Canada in the 50s. Of course I have had a lot of spanking experiences. It took me a while to realize that there were a number of women who enjoyed being spanked as much as I enjoyed spanking them.
Who do you tell? I do know of several men friends who abhor the very idea but also a number who relish the idea. Not many though that I can tell that I belong to a spanking organization.
I occasionally threaten some cheeky young (Brat) that I may spank them. About two months ago I was in a bakery that I visit quite often. I have got to know the girl in there. Age about late 30's, married with kids. I have chatted to her quite often. She made some smart assed remark to me one day and I said something like. "If you talk to me like that I just might take you outside and spank your bottom hard." I was surprised by her answer. She smiled and said, "I will be getting spanked this weekend." This opened the door to more talk. She and her husband belong to Sargacity, a local spanking and BDSM club in Victoria B.C.
After reading your letter I think I know of a couple of guys that I could ask, "Have you spanked many girls?" I will do that in the future and report back.
I think it is an easier subject for a man to bring up with a woman than with another man. I think a lot of men might fantasize about spanking a girl but lack the ability to bring it about. I felt that way until I asked a girl at a party and she said yes. Since then I have not looked back. Some girls don't want to be spanked by me. So I have been turned down a few times, but usually not.
I have a few rules of my own. I like to spend some time talking so as to get to know them a bit. I always hug before we spank. I always have a "Safe" word and usually I apply some cream (Vitamin E) to the red bottom. Very carefully even sensuously, it seems to be appreciated.
That's all for now, I enjoyed your newsletter
Kind Regards and Happy Spanking
Dear Eve,
I have been interested in spanking since my early childhood but have supressed it throughout my life, having been married twice to women who weren't interested.
Recently I contacted a woman on an adult dating site who
advertised for spanking only but no sex. I met her several times for coffee and e-mailed her several times telling her she had annoyed me by being late or failing to write prompt replies to my e-mails and promising a spanking for her transgressions. Eventually she invited me to her house and I promptly turned her over my knee and spanked her . I counted the strokes, probably spanked her too hard, and had a glass of wine with her when I finished.
A cell phone call sent me out of her house to collect a child of mine. When I attempted to re-connect, she refused saying that I had not done it right.
I have contacted other women who advertise here but never hooked up with one. I suspect many of them are enjoying the fantasy without the actual spanking .
I am single but must be circumspect about my activities because of my occupation. What am I doing wrong ? How do I connect ? How do I hint to my intended? How prevalent are women who enjoy spanking as foreplay?No, I
don't live in L.A. I'm on the east coast outside NYC. Yes, I'm over 60, physically fit, good looking, educated and prosperous.
M.
Dear Mr. M.,
First of all, you deserve a lot of credit getting that far with that lady. You almost had the whole thing cinched. It sounds like you just have to work on your spanking seduction technique a little. Don't jump the gun and spank her right away. Have the wine first. It'll relax you both. Then let the spanking encompass a gradual unveiling of her bottom, starting not so hard and building in intensity if she seems to want that. You'll find out through a combination of body language (does she arch to your hand or try to wriggle away from it?) and asking her her feelings in plain English, whether she is digging your approach.
You seem to have a lot going for you. Keep answering ads, keep writing to new ladies and if you can, get down to Club Paddles in NYC on one of their spanking nights. It's a great place to meet new ladies in the scene. You might even enjoy one of our parties, here on the West Coast.
Best wishes,
Eve
Hi Eve,
Just thought I'd let you know that the piece you wrote on being involved with spanking was very interesting, especially seeing as though I was into it at about the same early age as you were. The simple truth is, I've never got away from it. I live and breathe it, and it's an absolute nightmare that all this goes on in my imagination and not in real life.
It certainly should have been a question I asked my partner, who even though she realizes my fetish and does let me indulge and spank her as a warm up to sex, isn't really into it in the true sense of the word. If I could live my life with spanking as a reality, and being involved with it for a living, I would have found my one main dream and goal in life. It would be like finding oxygen for the first time and realizing what I've been missing!!
This leads me to a question I have for you Eve, can you tell me how to get into erotic writing,and is it possible to make a living out of it?? Also, on a larger scale (and I know I'm dreaming.) how on earth could I get into spanking productions? Camera man, actor, scene writer, anything really. And If I did, could this be a full time job?
Thanks for your time Eve, and hope to hear from you soon,
Gentleman in the UK
Dear Gentleman in the UK,
Unfortunately, the enormous amount of free fetish material on the internet has almost killed the erotic paperback industry. Why do people need to buy books when they can stroke off to real girls' spanking blogs with diaries and photos? My publisher, Blue Moon, is down for the count and my books are going out of print one by one. I have no idea if I'll ever find another publisher to reprint the various titles.
When I first started Shadow Lane I printed magazines myself. But this has become way too expensive. My one consolation is that I have archived all my old and all my yet to be published stories on my website, so they will technically never been out of circulation, though they may all be out of print some day.
There's a company in the UK still publishing spanking paperbacks. It's called Nexus. You can google them for their writers' guidelines. No, you can't “make a living” at this. I think the last time anyone made a living free lance fetish writing was in the late 80's, just before the internet really hit.
As far as being in a video. You're in England and there are a number of video producers there. Typically you would email them with your photo and vital stats. If you look interesting to them, they might invite you to be in a spanking movie. I think Februs may also still be in business. Send them your photo as well. They may be able to put you in a photo spread in their magazine.
When this becomes a full time job is when you have the time, energy and gradually accumulate the know how to produce your own erotica. If a book, it means writing it, getting it printed somehow, starting a website to market it or taking out ads in publications to sell your piece.
If you want to make spanking videos, you need to obtain equipment, a shooting space, find models, supply yourself with model releases so as to be within the law, schedule a shoot, make up a script, arrange a set, arrange the casts' wardrobe, shoot the video, pay the cast, edit it, get it duped somehow, then either sell it through a website, either in dvd or downloadable form, or both. You have to organize a data base, a shipping department, get a postage meter, storage space for stock. In other words, it's like any other retail business. You have to produce and you have to market what you produce and then get it to your customers somehow while trying to provide the best customer service you can. And then you have to keep producing because you have to have more stuff to keep selling them. It's very interesting work, but it is work. There's no magical formula. You just have to apply yourself, use all your resources and your imagination and steel yourself for plenty of competition.
Good luck!
Eve
Eve,
I enjoyed your editorial on being selective when sharing a spanking fetish. What goes on in your mind is not necessarily universally shared. Thanks for your thoughts.
I see that Shadowlane has a few new videos (The Butler Did Them & Auto Erotic Spanking) with sexual content added to erotic spanking. These are my favorites but too few have been produced. Are you aware of others,
even playful, and not primarily disciplinary, of the genre of Insatiable Jannine? I think of spanking as foreplay and like to see it in films. I have read so many great stories but few have been produced as films.
Thanks.
John
Hi John,
We did a sex and spanking one recently that's a real humdinger, Paddled and Possessed. Tom Byron spanks and makes love to Carolyn Reese about as suavely as is possible, but it's totally explicit. Thanks for asking!
Eve
Eve,
First, I admire the manner in which you expose and discuss so frankly your sexual experiences leading to your spanking "fetish". But I found something in it that introduced a subject which does not appear to be evident in the videos you sell or any previous discussions on the subject. That is the following: "I remember showing one of my books to my doctor back in California. Being Jewish he of course started reading it back to front. Immediately he
laughed and said, "Oh, come on, no one can have an orgasm from an enema!"
I can understand the association, i.e., both involve the human bottom and both provide pleasure through pain although the pain level depends very much on the manner and degree in which it is administered. If I wrote my life
sexual history as you just did, enemas from childhood would take the place of spanking. Spanking, at a very amateur level, only entered my erotic life very late in my adulthood. So, I would be interested to know the extent to which spanking lovers are also into enemas.
R. P.
Dear R.P.,
I can tell you right now that about a quarter to a third of all spanking enthusiasts are also inclined towards some type of anal eroticism. This could be anything from digital penetration during sex to butt plugs to anal discipline, including by enema administration. If the enthusiast as anal oriented, he or she will probably try giving or receiving an enema as part of their spanking play at least once during their initial adventures in the scene. If you're into anal play, you're probably going to be interested in enemas sooner or later. Interested submissives tend to gravitate towards genuine enema freaks -- no disrespect meant, but you know what I mean -- persons completely steeped (no pun) in enema eroticism and experienced with the wide variety of equipment which goes with it. You want to place yourself in the hands of an expert before you try this. There are two reasons for this: first, it assures the submissive novice that the person who is going to give the enema is really into it, not just experimenting, that's important; secondly you want someone who really knows how to use and control their equipment, and who really seems like an authority on the subject. Enemas are highly clinical so you want someone who will take them seriously and execute their job as though it was the most important thing they would ever have to do in this life. That's why you want a real “E” freak, at least for your initial foray into this complex and weird sub fetish.
Here are some anal erotic illustrations done for Shadow Lane stories and Stand Corrected magazine over the years:
Eve,
Thank you for addressing a subject that I really wondered how to handle. I am about to be divorced from a very long vanilla marriage, in part because I have to follow my spanking fetish wherever it may lead me. I am not used to dealing with other people, potential dates, and frank,
personal questions. You surely gave me food for thought and some great cautionary tips!
Maid in Maryland
Dear Eve,
Any tips on how to bring it up if one is not in the erotica business?
I belong to a group in Arkansas called SPANK. We don't meet much but we are like minded. My first exposure to spanking in group setting was the SCONY group in New York.
J.P.
Dear J.P.,
I will never lose faith in the ability of personal ads to get like minded enthusiasts together. But, if you made it to SCONY, why not put the Shadow Lane party on your list of things to eventually do in the scene?
Thanks for writing and thanks for the tip on Arkansas SPANK. I'm assuming that one can find out more particulars by googling it?
Best wishes,
Eve
Dear Eve,
I managed to allow myself just over a year ago, to go in search of and more importantly find my first adult spanking at the ripe old age of 47, from a man named N. (he's written you before...) . He made it the most wonderful experience for me and it has literally changed my life. I like to think I had a certain look and glow afterward.
I was...as we say in New England...'wicked happy'.
I had never breathed my desire to be spanked to a living soul. The Internet allowed me that opportunity without having to answer to anyone or feel embarrassed about it. I was almost immediately telling my innermost desires to a man who basically amounted to be a perfect stranger. And perfect he was (is..). He was also a late bloomer in the spanking department and is now quite experienced and very talented, especially with a flogger...but that's another story.
My friend M., who lived out of state, was here for a visit and could not get over how good I looked, how happy and... changed I was. We had dinner and he kept asking....how? why? and eventually, after a glass of wine, I admitted to him that I enjoyed being spanked and had found a spanker on the Internet...not one of my 'own' but a spanker nevertheless.
He was downright speechless. I was somewhat uncomfortable and had almost immediately regretted my spontaneous decision to tell him. It had been in the back of my mind to never tell him at all but then I just blurted it out. He basically thought it was unsafe to be seeking men to spank me and really could not believe that I was doing it. If you knew me you would also probably think it was the LAST thing I would ever be involved it. I think he was genuinely shocked.
My brother on the other hand, knew I had met someone on the Internet with whom I was corresponding frequently, but assumed it was for sexual reasons that we were going to 'date'. He came over in the evening the day I was finally spanked and I was on cloud nine. He knew it but not why and like with my friend, I blurted it out. I simply could not contain myself.
He took my hands in his and pulled me into a big hug and said he was so happy for me....happy that I had gone after something that made me so happy. We were practically jumping up and down in the kitchen because I had been spanked for 3 hours that day! It was a fantastic feeling to tell someone and receive that reaction.
I selected them because I am close to both of them and thought they would be the logical people to understand. The result was 50/50 but I think I learned my lesson to basically keep my mouth shut or at least consider long and hard who I open up to. In fact, for me, I think it would be easier to tell a waitress in a coffee shop, a stranger.
My relationship with my friend, despite the fact he lives here now, has deteriorated to almost nothing after about 20 years of close friendship and I feel a sadness in that but I suppose its for the best because when we're together even though we never speak of it...that little spanking thing, I believe hangs between us.
My brother on the other hand just knows about it as something I do and its no big deal and as time goes by for me it's becoming less of a 'dirty little secret' of mine and just part of who I am. Maybe someday I will be able to just talk openly about it.
I find it much easier to talk about the subject of spanking with Internet friends who don't judge and are in fact some of the most rational and 'regular' people I have ever come in contact with. A day does not go by that I am on line looking, reading, watching spanking DVDs or thankfully, actually being spanked. I've been in a long term spanking relationship for 10 months and even though we don't live together it has been wonderful to just have someone that understands and revels in my needs and desires to be spanked. And I realize that I can never be in a relationship that did not include spanking. Life's way too short to be without it.
By the way...because of you and Shadow Lane I'm addicted to Keith Jones...but in a really good way. Thank you very much for 'introducing' me to him.
I'm determined to make it to one of your parties some day. I imagine it must be a spanko's dream come true.....A wet dream come true.
Take care.
A.
Please send any correspondence to: evehoward@mindspring.com and don't forget to indicate whether your comments are for publication!
Best wishes,
Eve
Final Word
Cheers to a beautiful spanking couple who have just gotten engaged to be married!
Samantha Woodley and Lance del Toro first met at a Shadow Lane party where
their chemistry was instantaneous. This is a photo from their first video together,
Sting Operation Part II. We are absolutely thrilled for Samantha and Lance!